I've been very happy for the past few months.... Bt it hurts too....
U say i hurt u all this while well in the end i realize that too....
Bt r u sure u never hurt me???
B4 everything happen u try so hard to get me... REALLY HARD
I noe that, i see that n i oso feel that.....
Bt sometimes u do things make me wander.....
It seems like a dream for the past few months.....
Well i guess happiness never have a happily ever after ending.....
The world is cruel they make u grow they make us wake up from our dream.....
In this relationship i admit i am wrong at 1st.....
Bt r u sure u r rite all the time??? u never did anything wrong????
Well i don wanna kira all this wif u.......
Coz relationship is not a food o a thing for us to bargain abt the price o even get discount....
(i noe it's a lousy way to express wif food n bargaining)okok watever la understand can d... keke
We both sacrifice a lot for each other....
Ur friends see that n so do my friends....
It hurts when u say my love doesn't convince u, it really hurt.....
It's not easy for me to do watever things that i had did for u....
1st i have to overcome my greatest fear in my heart......
Bt i did it.... the only thing u say is u r proud of me.....
See u noe i do tis coz of u bt still my love doesn't convince u.....
U see.... we come from diff background, diff way of growing up....
i aspect that u can do watever u did is easy n u feel the same too....
Bt we both forget that they ppl who is doing it is not us ourselve....
we thought it's easy for us n it's the same to the other ppl...
For u, u think driving alone n do all sort of things is easy
For me it's not... i'm scared....
For me, i think u beg me n tam me concentrate on me a lot it's something that u should do...
Bt i never think of u.... coz i'm too used too b the center of attention....
I'm sure u oso use to b the center of attention....
Remember in sunway carnival, u told me u hav to sayang me like how my mommy sayang me...
Take care of every detail... Bt u is u my mommy is my mommy mar...
u don need to b any1 else bt b urself.... I'm sure i kinda diff wif other gals....
My character, my personality, n so on....
No1 really really understand me untill now... mayb there is 1 o 2 friends who really really understand me....
Bt it's really hard to fully understand me...
y?? coz i don really tell out wat i really feel deep inside my heart.....
I never really complain the way u treat me i'm ok wif how u treat me (last time)...
u're the 1 who kept compare wif my ex.... u say it's hard to keep up the way he treat me....
I never say anything abt hw u treat me....
I noe u hate i merajuk fast, i noe u hate i sms n call when i'm down....
Bt don u do the same too???
U alwiz told me tat u d settle the pro....
Bt i can feel that u never really settle... tat's y i don trust u....
U alwiz notice her n giv a little attention on her...i nv say anyting
u took some pic of her.... n i noe that....
There is somethings tat u did make me feel so.... bt i still never say anything.....
Tat day the breaking news.... She is alwiz in ur heart, n she did a lot of things for u... noe wat u really need... juz like ur mommy....
N u're the 1 who ask me don compare.... so is tis comparison??? Me is me she is she.....
Both of us is diff person..... Mayb we start all this too fast n too rush d....
Yes it hurt me again.... Bt i din say anything i juz diam diam.....
u put out ur memories, n the cert it hurt me too.... u say its ur memories.... ok i diam diam again...
When u still going after me, u tok a lil abt ur ex u will say sorry tat u mention abt ur ex....
Bt when we getting closer n closer u tok abt ur ex
u told me it's juz a statement.....
Do i ever tok abt him??? i only tok unless u ask...
U tell me she do a lot of things for u, well of coz la.... she noe u for so long....
He oso do a lot of things for me.... n i appreciate him for doing everything for me.....
Bt y u wanna tok abt tis lei????
Tat day we fight, u go find her, n i cant get to u...
N u told me u left ur fon in the car....
Do u noe tat the time seems to stuck there forever when i'm waiting for u???
When u back u told me u go ampang n go tok to her..... n u aspect me to find him oso....
It hurts again.... Again i diam diam.....
Ask u 1 thing.... if i don care abt u... i don love u.... do u think i wanna merajuk????
Y should i merajuk n waste my energy to the person i don care????
Tat day u say u wanna go tok to her n settle the pro wif her..... i waited u too...
U told me it will only take 2 hours... bt ended up u came back at 5 something in e morning....
U told me u will go somewhere to tok..... bt end up toking in her house....
U thought i will merajuk coz u back so late bt did i????
U told me that u d broke up wif her since July... bt untill tat day u still settling wif her...
u urself oso noe it's not tat easy to settle..... Bt u aspect me to settle fast????
U say i d choose u d y still hanging there???
Bt don u do the same too???
U alwiz told me tat u confuse abt me n her.... n u nv confuse like tis b4....
N u told me in e end u choose me.... yes i'm happy....
Bt seriously u never really finish ur unfinish business too....
Untill now u don noe wat's my personality???
I worry for ppl a lot.... i wanna reduce the pain. i cant bare to see my friends sad n hurt by me...
I hope u noe that too.... If my friend want me there i will b there for them....
Juz like how u did for ur friends...... We both love our friends very much.....
I cant do watever u did to her n i last time n now.... i juz cant......
U urself ask me not to b so kind to ppl wat....
so u should noe hw i treat my friends n ppl......
For the past few months u really care abt me a lot, u take care of me
take care of everything for me....
Now everything ended juz like tat... U can juz stop everything like tat....
I guess tis is ur way of dealing things.... Well i really cannot accept..... bt nvm hw i feel la.....
Coz last time u tell me how much u love, how much u wan to b wif me, how much u care for me...
Now no more.... I guess our bonding is not tat strong after all......
When u tell me the way u feel for me it's almost the same feeling like hw u feel towards ur 2nd ex....
Wat u aspect me to feel??? Feel happy??? No i dont..... I'm not happy.... I'm ELAINE not her....
I guess u don noe how i feel all these while coz i never tell u....
Y??? Coz i don wanna tok abt sad stuff.... N when i'm in front of u....
Seems like everything is ok d.... Coz u make me happy n sad at the same time....
bt i choose to b happy...
We cant kira tis much when we're in a relationship.....
We both kira too much so we ended up like tis......
We juz cant bare to see the other to do the way they do things....
We only can see the other half's wrong.....
We never really see wat had we done to the other....
Remember wat i asked u on tat day???
Y u go after me in the beginning.... U ans me:"i go after u tat time coz i wanna get u..."
Do u wanna noe hw i feel??? wat i think????
My heart break... mayb u don mean wat u say bt when i heard tis my heart broke into pieces
Coz u wanna get me tat's y u go after me, nt becoz u love me.....
U may say it's not wat u mean..... Bt it's ok la everything passed d...
Haha i still remember, there is 1 time we fight, i'm in penang n u're in KL......
u r so worry abt me that u drive all the way to penang to tam me....
N u told me u memang wanna go penang see me d....
I'm soo sooo sooo touch tat day.... i do really.....
Even though we noe each other for a short time bt i hav a lot of memories wif u.....
Everywhere i go, i'll see u in it....
U told me u never hav a pretty gf b4 haha.... tat was our 1st time ever went out....
Bt it's juz a short time la.... coz u working for SE mar n i'm waiting for him there in sunway....
During ur break we went for subway, actually i'm hungry too tat time....
Bt when i not tat close wif a guy i won eat together wif him haha....
I guess i d like u like u tat time.... i feel nervous gua..... haha.....
Everything that u say i remember, good o bad i remember....
Before this u say u see us going long term, n u see me in ur future....
Tat day in midvalley u told me tat i no longer in ur future, n u won do things if u don hav the commitment....
Ok la.... At least i noe u loved me a lot b4.... (u told me LOVED tat day remember???)
U still mean a lot to me....
Guess we both juz love each other too much to let go everything that we do to each other....
I hope tat day the way u treat me when i'm in ur car is coz u still love me nt coz of other reason...
U ask for another chance, bt i never ans u asap....
When i want, bt u told me tat u don want d.... u wanna start from friends again.....
Ok i respect u.... Bt i don noe whether i can do it o not....
U asked me y am i soo quiet when i'm in ur car....
Coz i don noe hw 2 face u.... I actually got a lot of things to tok to you.... Bt i juz don noe hw......
After that day u did msg me told me u reach home n ask me wat did i do....
I'm very happy that i get ur msg..... N u call the next morning....
I guess u r really busy after tat..... haizzz.....
U told me that u d clearly tell her tat u n her can only b friends.... Well i don tink so.....
U told me b4 tat u r confuse between me n her....
In e end u say u choose me that's y u kept bare wif my merajuk-ness
I don noe wat u mean by taking y'all pic out bt she is still in ur heart
So u better go get her if not everything will b too late d.....
U don need to scared of my mommy, she love u, don worry.....
Remember i told u my mommy never do a lot of things bt she do for u.....
U oso said the same thing abt ur mommy... she try to start conversation wif me n hug me....
I appreciate it a lot.... U told me that u love my family, Well i love ur family too.....
N i love my family too.... Same goes to you......
For now everything that i can think of is those sad sad memory....
U love me bt u love urself more....
Ur heart want to try again bt ur brain don... n u choose brain....
Bt it's ok la.... Like wat i said in the beginning.... there is no happily ever after in real life.....
When i'm wif u, I really really happy, n i felt love.....
U r the 1 who make me understand wat is LOVE Thank u ooh.... muackzzzz.....
I noe i told u tat i don wanna b ur friend anymore..... Coz i don noe hw 2 face u.....
wat i want is more than friend..... N i noe u cant give me tat anymore.....
I hope that u can fix ur friendship wif christopher.....
U guys r best friend for so long..... N u care a lot for him too....
I will try to b ur friend.... Don worry abt not having friend....
I will b there for u if u need me... i noe i cant really help much.... at least i'm a good listener.....
There's only 1 year to go.... U can do it.....
I love u... i really do love u....
I miss u... i really miss u....
The purpose of me writing tis post.... Is juz wanna tell u a little bit of how i feel all these while...
Coz i noe when i see u i will juz swallow everything.... U don need to giv any responce....
Thank u for all the things that u do for me....
I'm happy that i did do something for u too.... 1107-1121
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